Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
