Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
