I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
