Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
