No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
