Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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