so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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