Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
