Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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