can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
