At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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