I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
