On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I got chris browned last night
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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