Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
