what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
