youre lurking in front of me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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