dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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