Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Randomize
