Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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