i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
