Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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