i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
