If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
