am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
