And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
