eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
