I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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