i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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