All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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