Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
