Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
