Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
