i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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