so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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