I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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