Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
