I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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