I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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