But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
