At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
