You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
