Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
