You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
