when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
