i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
