Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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