i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
