Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
