was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
