so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
