We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
