I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
